there's paper in my vomit.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
