My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
