you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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