Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
