Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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