mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
