their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
