does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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