you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
