I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
