Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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