Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
