Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
