Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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