I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
