I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Randomize
