There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Randomize
