I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
