Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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