Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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