Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
