You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Your cock deserves a montage
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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