Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
