hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
