She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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