But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Randomize
