I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize