My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
