I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
