i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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