Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
