I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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