I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
