so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
