Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
