farters have to be the big spoon...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
