fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
