I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
