I just saw a hot homeless man
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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