She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
