she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
