..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize