i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
