she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
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