worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
only if we run a train.
done.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
