Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
only you would photoshop your dick
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
