I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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