Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
You made out with two different species that night
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
