Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
