The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Randomize
