Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
either way he was missing a nipple.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
