eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
