Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
