I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
