he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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