i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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