A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
