he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I can't turn off my feet"
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Randomize
