Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
