You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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