Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
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