I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
