Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
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