I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
