Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
