Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
