I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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