I am in a vortex of obligation.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
