I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
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