I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
