Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
