porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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